Not losing a son, but gaining a daughter...

Twelve days from today our oldest son will marry his true love.

  A lot of people have asked me if I am sad, nervous or worried (or all of the above).  I have consistently told people that I am happy for Blake and Alanah.  I know how it feels to be in love and want to be married.    God made man and knew that he would need a helpmeet, so He created woman.  This is how it is supposed to be. I believe that Blake is ready and I want him to be happy, so I have been preparing myself for the changes to come.

 This upcoming union has caused me to think carefully about a lot of relationships in my life.  I have been thinking about my relationship with my son, with my future daughter-in-love, with my parents, with my in-laws, and with my husband.  The Bible tells us to “Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it.”  I have been wondering lately if I have done all that I was supposed to do as a mom.  I know I have loved Blake from the time I found out I was expecting him.  His dad and I have taken him to church on a regular basis and tried to do our best to provide a Christian home.  We did our best to provide all of his needs and as many wants as we could.  We have prayed, worried, prayed some more and worried some more.  We prayed for God to send him the perfect mate, and I believe that He has.  But have we done enough?  Does he know all that he needs to know to be a good husband and a good father one day?  I guess my praying is not done.   

One of the hardest verses for me (and probably for any other parent of a son getting married) to read right now is found in Genesis 2:24 “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”   When a man gets married, he is to leave the protective covering of his parents’ home, and set up a home of his own.  He is to be the leader of his OWN home.  I guess that evokes fear in the heart of every mom.  When he gets married he won’t just be responsible for his own well-being, but for that of his wife also.  I don’t for one moment think that God means for a man to cut off all ties with his parents once he’s married, but I do believe that God means for ONE man to be in charge in a household.  Therefore, when a couple marries they should set up housekeeping on their own.  I’m not supposed to worry if my son is getting enough sleep, enough food, or keeping his room clean and his clothes washed.  I have to give those worries over to his help-meet.  That should be a good thing, right?  Somehow I think I may have some problems giving up those worries.

All those things make me think about my relationship with my own parents.  My husband is always telling me that I should go see my parents more often, and that I should call them more.  Now I have one leaving the nest.  I want him to come by and see me and I want to talk to him and know how things are going.   Have I left a good example of going to see my parents and calling them so he’ll know to do the same?  Ummm….probably not. 

And then there’s the new daughter-in-love. I want to have a good relationship with her.  I want her to know how thankful I am for her.   I have been thinking about my relationship with my husband’s parents.  I remember how hard it was for my husband to separate himself from his parents when we first got married.  It caused a lot of struggles for us.  (I quoted Gen. 2:24 A LOT)  It took him a while, but he finally figured out that balance.  It took me a long time to appreciate my in-laws because of that rocky start, so I think about that a lot when I think of Alanah.  I hope that I can be a good mother-in-love to her.  I hope that I can keep my opinions to myself and support them in prayer.  I hope that she and Blake can find that right balance of time with each other, time with friends, and time with the family.    

Twelve more days….I am proud of my son and pray that he and his bride will have a long and happy life together.